My friend's cat just died this morning. She was 19 years old and not in good shape. Does anyone know of where there might be like a pet support group? Or something to that effect. It's hitting her very hard.
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Portland
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Re: Grieving
Mon, January 14, 2008 - 11:53 AMMy condolences to your grieving friend! It is so hard to lose a beloved old kitty companion! Here's a nice support site with a chat room, a message board, and a regular Monday Night candle ceremony that can be interactive (or not.)
www.petloss.com/ -
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Re: Grieving
Mon, January 14, 2008 - 12:17 PMMy condolences too. I lost my first long term feline companion to cancer this
summer. She was about 12, and was the light of my life, being at times
my only company through many many years of poor health. She often slept
nestled in my armpit, spooned with me around her or pressing into my
back and walked along the road with me and waited for me to return.
I was distraught when a misdiagnosed sniffle turned out to be inoperable
cancer but came across the Anaflora website, which has really helpful
sections on caring for a dying animal and dealing with the grief.
There can also be guilt about whether the right thing has been done for
them (it will have been, from my experience and others I strongly suspect
cats often choose when to go) and that our grief can be as great or even more
than loosing a loved human.
I also spoke with the animal communicator Elizabeth Fulton, linked via their site,
who was wonderful. Really helped me through my beloved's transition, and
to find a positive way through the loss.
It depends on your friend's viewpoint of course, she might not be 'into'
cats in spirit, but it sure helped me through the most scary and
saddest event of my life so far. My eyes are welling up as I write
as I still grieve for and miss my furry friend, but it helped reassure
me, and I have been lucky enough to adopt (I chose to foster first
to do something positive, not feeling my heart was available
for a new cat) the most perfect (for me) new feline friends.
You can never replace a loved one,
but it's possible to find new, different love when the time's right.
And as the time passes it's possible to look back fondly on the
happy memories. -
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Re: Grieving
Mon, January 14, 2008 - 12:18 PMoh, the grieving link is:
anaflora.com/grieving/be...beloved.html
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Re: Grieving
Tue, January 15, 2008 - 3:39 PMAnjuli said, and I so agree: "You can never replace a loved one,
but it's possible to find new, different love when the time's right. "
I think anyone who makes the efforts involved in staying with a cat for their entire life, especially a long life, is going to be hit as hard as can be by their death. This of course has happened to me too - and it's shocking how many people turn out to be completely insensitive to your grief, not understanding that love is love and that this animal is your *family* -- so you are a good friend to her in trying to help her. The only thing that has helped me has been various "visits" from beyond, each cat who has shown up has done so in a different way and for a different amount of time, but knowing that they can do this, and have done it, has made a huge difference, and now I expect it of them and will always tell them in future that I want them to come and contact me as soon as they possibly can. I also do believe that we'll be together again. On those few occasions when a friend or vet has acknowledged the loss with a card or a comment, that has always made me break down again even when I've gotten myself to a "carrying on" point - but still, I value that expression. The worst thing is if the person is left with no one. If that's the situation, they really must be urged to foster (as someone else just said they did) or adopt just as fast as they can. Not only is it good for them, but animals really need people like this, and they should be together. -
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Re: Grieving
Wed, January 16, 2008 - 6:04 AMLike Lily I've also been lucky enough to have what I can only describe as a visit from
my previous cat, and it did help immensly. I'd buried her close to sunrise then gone
back to bed and dreamed of the garden where we first lived, but seeing it at her
eye level, then saw 'her' watching me from slightly higher up, looking calm and
absolutely healthy. It was so similar to a powerful dream when a friend had died
- I knew before his wife called me that he'd gone.
The best bit of the dream of my beloved furry friend was that I woke feeling
such calmness and peace, and felt she was just showing me she was ok,
rather than that horrid waking to realise it was 'only' a dream feeling.
She was my closest friend and the closest I had to a child, and my heart
goes out to all who have to deal with their losses.
Fostering is definitely a positive way forward if they feel up to it as I saw
several cute kitties on my travels but almost resented them for not being my beloved...
and then one of our very first foster family locked eyes with me on first sight, ran
into my arms and looked up at me, and the connection (a different one)
was too strong to deny, and she and her mum are very special loved
kitties now. Still miss my first friend, but hopefully we'll meet again eventually! -
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Re: Grieving
Wed, January 16, 2008 - 7:39 AMwww.petloss.com
They really helped me when Satine died. My heart goes out to you- I know how hard it is. Hugz
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Re: Grieving
Fri, January 18, 2008 - 2:54 AMOh, yes, you WILL meet again! I once bought a card for a friend that had just lost her first cat... The card said:
"I Think of Heaven as a Garden, where I shall Find Again those Dear Ones who have made my World".
Just before Christmas my faithful friend of 16 years had to be put to rest because she was showing painful signs of FIP. I made a memorial for her and this message now gives me a huge sense of peace, because I know she is smiling down, patiently waiting for me to let her onto my lap once again & scratch behind her ears...
They pack so much living into those short lives they share with us. You know there is much more to their story than what they share here!
Aimee
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Re: Grieving
Wed, January 30, 2008 - 10:27 AMAnjuli, I too experienced that complete "oh good, she's ok, it's ok" feeling too after having had dream meetings with departed cats - no feeling of being let down by "only a dream" - to me that's a sign that the encounter is real, although on another plane.
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Re: Grieving
Wed, January 30, 2008 - 7:04 AMPlease give your friend my condolences. Our family went through this about 6 months ago. We had a very special kitty named Boobers. She was almost 12 when she became very sick and we had to have her put to sleep. I thought I was going to die because I missed her so much. We waited for 3 months and found a kitty at the local shelter here. I was skepticval at first as to hwo I was going to feel about ahving another kitty but I love her with all my heart. Your friend needs time to grieve for the loss of her beloved pet. I posted the loss on tribe and the ourpouring of supposrt was amazing. I also visisted www.petloss.com and that helped immensely. My thoughts are with your friend.
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Re: Grieving
Wed, January 30, 2008 - 9:24 AMI just lost my beloved 15-year old cat a little over a week ago to a stroke. I had lost my dog not even ten days earlier. I didn't know what to do about my grief. I posted about it a little on Tribe, and some kind folks referrred me to these tribes. If she's on Tribe, maybe this will help a little:
Pet Loss and Grieving
tribes.tribe.net/petgrief
Pet Cemetary
tribes.tribe.net/61823dfa-...45b27e465f
My deepest sympathies to your friend. -
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Re: Grieving
Wed, January 30, 2008 - 2:44 PMAnd my deepest sympathies to you too, Beth.
Hope you're doing ok. That's sweet that you're keen to help someone else
even though it's so raw for you. It does get easier. Gradually.
anjuli
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Re: Grieving
Fri, February 1, 2008 - 7:19 PMHi, I'm new here. Getting to know Lily by following her tracks thru cyberspace. I had this amazing cat named, "Tory". He was a big neutered male, and the neighbors would call him "the enforcer." He would patrol our apt. bldg. keeping it safe from predator rats and lizards. I had trained him to come in when I blew a whistle, and I could wear him around my neck like a scarf.
I have an unusual psychic gift. It involves hypnogogic visions. As I would fall asleep, I would see visions of distant vistas, of people walking thru my room. My kitty would nap with me, sleeping against my chest. Once, I looked down, and there were 1/2 dozen kitties crawling all over her. Either, I was seeing her dream, or perhaps she had visitors from another realm.
And then my kitty died. When I 1st moved here, this was the only apt. in the neighborhood, but over the years, it became crowded with cars and new bldgs. I was devastated, so terribly sad. About a week later, as I was dozing off, I looked up, and there she was, standing in the doorway. She ran in, leapt upon the bed and visited for a while.
So tell your friend that her kitty is not far away, and from time to time, she may come home for a visit, .
I wish all good journeys, both the 2 legged, and 4 legged. Way
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Re: Grieving
Sat, February 2, 2008 - 12:37 PMOh I lost my beloved Boris at almost 19, please tell her it's going to be hard for at least six months but that she can rest easy and l know that her cat lived along wonderful kitty life. I remember when Boris died I just felt sad when I'd see a cat until about a year or so later and then gradually a few made their way into my life again. Willie, Halloween and i sent the best to your friend. ;(
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